Faith

Because faith is a word that many people use as shorthand for their entire spiritual practice, its core meaning and implications have become layered over by vague connotations and associations.  Faith is an important concept, though, well worth excavating and re-examining, and quite relevant not only in a religious context, but also to the deep spiritual connections that our sex lives create. 

And, I believe, if you think about what faith means you can more easily understand how spirituality and science can coexist perfectly comfortably.

Faith is a decision to believe

We live in a dangerous and complex world, perhaps less dangerous than that of our distant ancestors, but a world nonetheless in which we constantly have to make decisions and where mistakes can easily cause us harm.  We try our best to understand that world so that our decisions get us what we want and keep us safe, but most of us recognize that we just don't know enough, we can't know enough, to decide with assurance. 

And so, we have to put our faith in perceptions that we know may be flawed in order to have a basis for making the choices we face.  We could, in theory, decide not choose because of our undeniable ignorance, but any of our distant ancestors who became too reluctant to make swift decisions failed to survive to pass that tendency down to us.  In this sense, we're programmed to have faith, to put our trust in uncertain perceptions so as to be able to draw the kinds of complex conclusions that make us such a successful species.

Faith can be a big mistake

The most important, key, central, crucial aspect of faith is that it can always turn out to be misplaced.  Religions have a tendency to downplay that danger, because a big part of what they sell is the idea of safety. Most religions tell you, We know the truth, you'll be safe believing what we teach — trust us!  Nevertheless, spiritual people of every religion have had to grapple with the uncertainty that always comes with faith. 

After all, if you can be sure of something, you don't have to have faith in it.  Faith is what you need when you can't be sure. 

Interestingly enough, many people have come to place a lot of blind faith in science, without completely understanding that the essence of the scientific method is to question faith methodically and continuously.  It's amazing how hard such a discipline is in practice.  If you study the history of science, you realize how many emminent scientists over the years have been unable to question their own beliefs in the face of new ideas and new evidence.  It's easy, as religious people know well, to question the faith of others — but who among us finds it easy to question our own? 

Faith can be a cop-out

There are plenty of times when every one of us would like to believe what's comfortable, what gets us out of having to confront things we're afraid of, what lets us off the hook.  Sometimes this means just accepting the worst — I'll never find anyone who's really right for me, I'll never get what I want, people are just no good, the whole world is bad, I might as well be dead.  These are beliefs that let us give up.  When you've been hurt enough times (as almost everyone ultimately is), it's easy to become cynical about relationships and hold yourself back.  It's better to be the one who does the dumping than the one who's dumped...  or:  It's better just not to have any sex at all. 

I myself don't feel that this kind of faith is spiritual — not in any way that I understand spirituality — even though it shows up all over the place in the teachings of many religions, in ideas such as:  the material world is bad, or, bodies are sinful, or, don't bother with this life, it's only a veil of tears — heaven will be better.

Spiritual faith takes courage

There's another kind of faith that fills me with admiration, even when it involves beliefs very different from my own — faith that's an affirmation of life in the face of pain and danger.  It's faith that says, This world may be full of suffering, but I believe it's inherently good, I believe I can trust the universe, I believe I should keep trying for the things I really want to have happen. 

The people who have such faith know (and usually freely admit) that they may be wrong, but they don't care, because their faith is not about being safe — it's about taking the risk of being wrong in order to keep going.  Such people are willing to be generous to others in spite of the real possibility that their actions will do no good or be taken advantage of.  Such faith has nothing to do with certainty, and gains nothing from questioning the faiths of others. 

Interestingly, it's that kind of faith which is needed to make a relationship work.  Without trust, you can't build the deep intimacy that most people want and need in pair-bonded relationship, and trust is a terrible danger.  The vulnerability you undergo when you deeply love someone can be one of the most terrifying things any of us ever face.  Plenty of people would rather face mortal combat!  But many people of both genders have the courage, open-eyed, to put their hearts on the line when so many unforseen or unforseeable factors may cause them agonizing pain as a result. 

Whether this kind of faith occurs in the context of religion or a personal spiritual practice or a sexual relationship, it constitutes an act of enormous courage that's hard to make and harder to maintain.  Every time I encounter it, it fills my heart with joy, and in my observation of life, it's what has given faith a good name.