Selected Links and Resources

This is one of the pre-eminent sites on the Web for getting straightforward, unembarrassed information.

Good Vibrations was the first of the new, sex-positive sex shops, headquartered in San Francisco.  The store itself is wonderful, and the site is rich with good information (it's not just an online store).

The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S. (SIECUS) is a national, nonprofit organization which affirms that sexuality is a natural and healthy part of living.

"What You Need to Know About Sexuality" — some fairly good information.

This is rightly a classic reference book, useful for both sexes.

One of the most popular handbooks — very good on general attitudes, approaches and techniques, but much weaker on anything out of the ordinary. 

If you're only going to buy one book about sex, make it this one.  It's nicely written, straightforward, and covers a huge amount of territory very well. 

Susie Bright is the Mollie Ivins of sex, and I can't think of a higher compliment for an essayist.  She's passionate, but funny too, with a deceptively simple conversational style, and she makes a big effort to be honest.  Full Exposure is a slender but moving and informative personal sexual manifesto. 

A series of essays, authentic and interesting, especially about being a parent. 

An extraordinary and uplifting account of courage, integrity and its great rewards.

A great book for accepting and overcoming embarrassment.

As a psychotherapist and an ex-Catholic monk, Moore brings an interesting perspective to writing about the sacredness of sex.  He has a good chapter on celibacy, and much insight into the sacredness of life in general.  A lovely book, particularly for the spiritually inclined who wonder how sex fits in. 

Sallie Tisdale is a gifted writer, and this is an intelligent, readable, personal book.  It's especially helpful if you feel embarrassed about how interested you find yourself in sex.

"...home for individualist feminism on the net."  Honors people's right and power to make decisions about their sexuality.

No one has ever matched Pat Califia for articulating the unthinkable for the rest of us who want to know but are scared to go there.  A brave, honest, intelligent writer.

Such a sexy book! A woman's power, casually revealed, to indulge her sexuality on her own terms, outrageously.

This book is a mine of carefully researched and documented information about same-sex attraction in nature. If the subject interests you at all, you should check it out (though it's not a light read at over 700 pages).

A cogent presentation of the "meme" theory first proposed by Richard Dawkins.

Buss is sound in many respects, but as Natalie Angier complains in Women, he is also something of the male-chauvinist version of a Social Darwinist — he's happy to jump to convenient over-simplifications that he believes to be manifest truths.

If you only read one of the books listed here, read this one: it's well-written and gives you a whole new basis for understanding your animal heritage. 

Underlines the same point that Jared Diamond makes in The Third Chimpanzee, that humans resemble many other animals in overrunning available resources and then suffering devastating population collapses.  This is a very valuable book and an easy read. 

An important paper on cryptic ovulation.

One of the entry points into Serge Kreutz's web sites about pro-sexual pharmaceuticals and natural aphrodisiacs.

A treasure-house of information: "Documenting the complex relationship between humans and psychoactives, Erowid.org is an online library of information about psychoactive plants and chemicals and related topics. The information on the site is a compilation of the experiences, words, and efforts of hundreds of individuals including users, parents, health professionals, doctors, therapists, chemists, researchers, teachers, and lawyers."

Crenshaw is an intelligent and articulate researcher who has devoted her career to investigating the hormonal determinants of sexual emotions and responses.  As she would readily admit, our understanding is still in its early infancy, but it's certainly interesting to get a picture of what little information we actually do have. 

This large volume serves to define the narrow limits of what we know so far.

This book is a mine of carefully researched an documented information about same-sex attraction in nature. If the subject of homosexuality is of any interest to you, you should check it out (though it's not a light read at over 700 pages).

A fascinating and (to me) convincing approach to explaining the psychology of fantasies and all their lovely weirdness.  I do feel, though, that Bader as a psychotherapist pays too little attention to physiological components of his patients' kinks. 

One of the few serious examinations of shame and embarrassment out there; based on Silvan Tomkins' theory of affect, that identifies shame as a core human emotion.

A lovely and unvarnished exercise in social research.  Ms. Albert overcomes preconceptions that many of us share about the subject of her research (legal prostitution in Nevada).  Through several years worth of observation, we learn with her to understand things in a more complex way.

This book should make you think.  Don't get it for what it tells you is true (a good deal of the scholarship is dubious), but because it will call into question assumptions you may not even know you have. 

Although this book doesn't deal directly with sex, it lays out our need for respect and personal dignity in a way that applies directly to how we manage our sexual relationships, and how they often go wrong. 

An articulate and chilling perspective on what it means to be poor in the U.S. today, when you're thinking about reproduction and population dynamics. 

A brilliant, readable and eye-opening account of how one modern culture mediates and honors fertility so as to maintain its stability and prosperity. 

Margaret Mead may no longer be the reigning queen of anthropology (to the delight of many patriarchs), but don't let that stop you from reading her thought- provoking survey of cultural sex- role variations. 

A startling revelation: the majority of Renaissance Florence's male population seems to have experienced gay sex.

A highly recommended book if you're looking for your first orgasm.

Another well-regarded first-orgasm book.

A classic, uplifting celebration of masturbation.

An articulate book built on personal experience.

This is the best place to start if you're interested in exploring tantric sexual techniques. 

This a fairly superficial, journalistic book, with one great benefit: Ms. Bakos has taken all those expensive workshops and seminars, and reports back to you on her experiences.  Not only does she give you a peek into each of them, but she also provides concise summaries of the techniques that are taught in them.  This is probably a good book to check out before you commit a lot of money for a workshop!

Some people have had success with the Brauer approach; some haven't.

Again, take this all with quite a bit of salt — Chia is a salesman. Nonetheless, some people have found his approach helpful.

A good introduction for Westerners to tantric spiritual attitudes to sex.

Massage is a complex art in itself.  This book introduces some of the ways to tie its sensuality into sexual interactions. 

"The Ulitmate Male Masturbation Resource."  A very nice, articulate, sex-positive site with lots of accurate and reassuring information.

A classic, uplifting celebration of masturbation.

A sweeping, mildly rambling, but excellent history of attitudes towards masturbation.

(Fatale Video 1998) Carol Queen and Robert Morgan have made a wonderful, sexy, unintimidating introduction to anal play for men (this is not your typical porn at all).

(S.I.R. Productions 2003) More things to try, for those who enjoyed the first video.

Another good recent book about polyamory and how to go about making it work. 

I remember with gratitude how reassuring and interesting this book was to me in 1975 when I was part of a serious four-way quasi-group-marriage.  It's still an interesting read for polyamorous adventurers. 

This is rightly revered by many people as one of the best books ever about sex, even if you're not interested in polyamory.  If you are, I've been an observer and active participant in polyamorous relationships for about thirty years now, and I found everything in The Ethical Slut beautifully expressed and right on target. 

A best-seller from the early seventies, Open Marriage is a lot more serious and interesting than you might expect a popular book to be — still well worth the read. 

Some older books like this one and the two following are still helpful, and informed by appealing idealism.  Carl Rogers is wise, articulate and refreshingly modest. 

Swinging is something else again.  Some say it's polyamory lite for the straight world, but say what you will, joyful sex, close friendship and real love are common among swingers too. 

AltSex is a Web site "dedicated to the exploration of the miracle of human sexuality, in all its wonder and diversity."

A classic — a good place to start, but also useful for people who have been playing for a while.

When it comes to still pictures of naked women in their late teens and early twenties, a Russian photographer, Grigorii Galitsin, is one of my personal favorites.  His relationship with his models is clearly good, so they often seem completely present in the pictures, looking confident, empowered and proud of their sexuality.  Unfortunately, his more recent work has become increasingly commercial in response to the obsessions of classic porn consumers, and thus perhaps less appealing (more focus on shaved pussies, for instance).  Nonetheless, he clearly knows how to connect with the strong personalities of his models.

This is a large site that features the work of 50 or more photographers, and beautiful young (18-25) models from all over the world.  The quality of the photography varies significantly, but there are some lovely images on this site.  My personal favorite among the photographers is a Canadian who goes by Ronin.

This is a digital art and animation site featuring the work of a couple, Karynna and Sagemon, who are both talented and uninhibited.  As you can tell if you read Karynna's "Discourses" in the Guest Tour of the site, they are also intelligent and thoughtful about what they're trying to do.

A fascinating, complex piece of what Stoller calls "urban ethnography."  If you want a highly intelligent peek into the porn industry, this is an excellent place to start.

"Sex education for the real world — committed to delivering the best contemporary teen sex ed on the Net since 1998."

"A Web site by teens for teens."

"Sexuality and relationship info you can trust from Planned Parenthood® Federation of America."

There are some really good links here, like Coalition for Positive Sexuality, and some pretty scary ones too!

"Sex education for the real world — committed to delivering the best contemporary teen sex ed on the Net since 1998."

Often heart-wrenching narratives from all over Italy by girls about "losing their virginity."